that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
