There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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