So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
