Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think your dad took our porno
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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