I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
