i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
