Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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