So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I smell stomach acid.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
