Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
