Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
