The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
