Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
