bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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