Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
