The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just pee around me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize