We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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