What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
