I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
