$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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