I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
