I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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