Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
