I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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