Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
