East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
