I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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