At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
