come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
NoShamevember. You game?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
