worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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