All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
