got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
