I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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