Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
