dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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