dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
