Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
