Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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