I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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