i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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