Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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