last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize