His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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