When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
