it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
