She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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