woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
