someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
