Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
