I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
