went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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