I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
