Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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