She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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