is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
