Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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