also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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