they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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