Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
