how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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