Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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