I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
