i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Barsexuality is the new black.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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