why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
