I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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