There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
