im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
