Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
