His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
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My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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