my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
