Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
