There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
