it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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