And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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