he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
