its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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