Sry I called you an 8
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
