One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
