Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
