I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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