I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
