East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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