Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
