I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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