Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Green mimosas i think yes
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
