You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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