you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
